Statements to ponder about!

Man! After hours of thoughtful processing of ideas to write something different this time, I conclude upon the topic – pearls of inane wisdom…or something on like terms. I organize my thoughts and decide to jot them down after a while, coz then I was really harassed by “cute” thoughts. Anyways, that’s put aside and when I just opened Yd’s page she actually has a post (a new one) on the exact same stuff that I wanted to write about! Hello?? This kind of telepathy is very disturbing man! Chalo…I forgive the terribly similar frequency of our thought process and compromise on the copyrights of the topic. Sigh! Lemme take you to those pages of ma life (well…that’s a book that I maintain, called “my life”. not a journal, not a diary, not anything explicable!).well…so, “my life” has these pages which are dedicated to the “statements to ponder about”, which are the pearls of ultimate wisdom or sick dumb thoughts…(??) mouthed by people I know, or those that I just jot down as and when I see or hear them…so, here goes…

This one gets me any time…any damn time…
• “You can’t change the world. You just can’t.”
- Mme. Yechuri, one of the faculties at alliance francaise (my second home now!). I feel so strongly against it but then I don’t really know what to do…

• “You are too young to have an opinion!”
-This was uttered by one of my friend’s cousins who is 6 yrs older to her! How much more insecure can a man get?? And this was when they were all discussing modern day “actresses” and their “dashing” dress sense! I didn’t know this topic demanded an “only above 18 tags”!!

Nothing can ever beat this….
• “Neither you nor I have the time or the money for a relationship now.”
-A notorious guy from the merchant navy had said this to a friend of mine who anyway was the least interested in him…I won’t probe any further into this statement coz it speaks for itself!!!

Try this…
• “Money is a curse on man”
This I borrowed from a theatre play that I had recently seen! Thought it was a lot of sense at once and an exaggeration….

Boy…this one is still a question…I need help solving this one…
• “Men develop brains only when they have proved a failure in everything else!”
- This is from the book “the fountainhead” in which Ellsworth Toohey quotes this highly intriguing statement.

Hmm…this is my motto when it comes to making “good” friends…
• “Don’t ever make friends with a person whom, you think, you cannot take home with you”
-This one is by my mentor, Mrs.Prabhavathi. And sit to think of it, it is true. I would any day prefer someone worthy of taking home with me, than fret and fear.
This is too much!
• “Don’t ever spare anyone while you are being yourself”
God! My dad is just like me at times (yeah rite!)...Really...Both of us don’t speak a lot (ha-ha!) but when we do, we speak only sense!!!

Aaaah…there goes something mushy!
• “Understanding is friendship, Misunderstanding is romance!”
-This was said by a wise lady I know. I thought it was pretty interesting a concept. Although it’s not a fool-proof statement, it seems to induce some hope!

My friends are all not always dumb. They can talk sense too (at times).
• “Learn to be strong if you need friends”
-Hemanjani, one of my Piscean friends said this to me one day when I wept over something at college! Now when I sit to think about it, it sounds so true, I need to be strong if I need to have my friends around!

I really need to know if all guys think this way…
• “Decent is boring. A little less decent is interesting!”
-It doesn’t matter who said this so long as you know its one of my buddies (guy buddy). It is a rather thoughtful theory, I must say! And this measures of decency here is about decency in clothing (yes…women’s clothing)

Hmm…loads n loads of others in “my life”, but then it is not really nice to let it out for all right! Anyway…That was a part of a really interesting section of “my life”…I wish I could claim my actual life had something as interesting to offer!!!

Pain or pleasure??

The Wounds of yesterday may heal;
The rage of then may soothe;
The misery may fade;
The agony may hide…
But it stays on….
It stays on …
To remind you,
Of the painful days to behind,
This pleasant today;
To remind you,
That the sorrow is still felt…
Sorrow, for not having done,
what should have been,
to have avoided that had happened….
Sorrow, for not having said,
words that could communicate,
much better than the actions…
Sorrow for not having understood
that the despair was mutual
and so was the pain…
Sorrow for not having known
that the worst could happen
to the best of intentions too…
Sorrow it was but a pleasant one,
For today I stand enlightened,
that no matter what,
with you there for me,
I can conquer the world…

OBJECTION-OBSESSION

The other day, in an auto, as I was traveling,
I came across a doggy that was quivering and trembling.
It reminded me of my doogie which is now lost,
The poor little doggy, whose life held no cost.
I had tears for it which didn’t dare to drop.
I had time for it but I didn’t care to stop.
I sat right in there, not knowing what to do.
Everyone ignored it, I wondered if I should too…
But a dose of guilt just ran through me,
For, I could have stopped and helped the doggy.
But I didn’t stop. I don’t know why…
‘cause of pride or fear or because I was shy,
shy to face the world that couldn’t care less,
about the pathetic li’l doggy, whom god forgot to bless…
I just hope never to come across another,
Pathetic li’l doggy coz I know I wouldn’t bother,
To stop by to show some love and affection,
For I’m way to obsessed about the world’s objection!

MY SHORT LIVED ENCOUNTER WITH YOU-DEATH!

Then,I hardly knew
'nything about your might.
A mere solution were you,
to resolve that torturous night...

My tiny hands were held,
by her protective grip.
Another pair of innocent hands,
ran around her hip.

I knew not why or what or when,
coz i really didn't care!
Foe i was a chick,following my hen,
exited to be going "there"...

It began when?-i donno,
for thats not really certain.
But it was plural,not 'one' day,
and this was expected to happen.

he was lost,was needing aid,
but luck was smiling not.
She too tried,cried and prayed,
in the hope of changing life's plot.

Then came the time,"the" actual time,
when she had had enough.
But he was sure he was almost there,
coz times were getting less rough.

He was chancing on luck encore,
even as she negated.
But he knew that 'this' was for sure,
and that didn't leave her elated.

She thumped her way across the hall,
to grab my tiny wrist,
and then she didn't forget to call
the name of the child born first.

We marched in such funeral silence,
to you in need of "peace".
But you filled in us thoughts so intense,
all we could do was freeze.

At your threshold,stranded we stood,
thinking if you were worth it.
Feckless souls knew not they should,
have enough courage to reflect.

Flashes of the past were screened to us,
and pondering we stood-dumb found.
with two bright futures with her there,
she came crashing to the ground.

She wept and wept until he came,
as we still wore no tears.
There was guilt and tangible shame,
with an alarming count of fears.

They spoke a tongue,i gathered not,
but i could grasp this bit;that-
they had resolved as to why they'd fought,
all thanks to your nasty wit!

The two then cried for reasons lots,
with a silence that spoke pages.
you funnelled in them such horrid thoughts,
thoughts they wouldn't lose in ages!

[It was your fear
that broght them so near.
you made `em realise,
if you sit to analise,
there aint no predicament,
that's worth an interment.
Why embrace you before turn?
Coz ur the ultimate...yes,i now learn!]

They've moved on from then on,
and so has our life...
But your fear still haunts me,
coz the truth is someday,you'll hug me-again.

GEMINI MIRAGE

Oh! A mere mirage it was, I knew,
But indulge in it, I did.
Perhaps to get a feel of it…
or to know if I was worth it…

For years its form I admired;
Its dazzling aura, I felt;
Knowing all through that it’s beyond reach,
The very nearness of it, I enjoyed.

To somehow reach it I tried,
And in it a failure I had been,
Longing to discover it I was
Living a fool’s life I understood.

Yet, its magic was undeniable,
Smitten by its charm, closer I approached;
Only to know that, true, I was at first-for
The dazzling being was gone…

For miles and hours I walked;
For the dazzling being I searched;
Just then the reality I faced-
Oh! It was a mirage that I chased.

In spite of knowing the truth, I chose
to live in a dream for a while.
Just because I felt so, I thought I was close;
But it was an endless mile.

Now, I know, what mirages can do,
by their dazzling and dubious charm.
I’d lost in its game and in my own too,
But now it can cause me no harm…

COMPLACENCY- DELETED!

Feels like I’m just a living Zilch,
After having realized what I really am;
It took me seventeen years to flinch,
From the truth that was always in hand.

I have for so long been taking pride,
In all of my piffling achievements;
It’s just now that I notice the void,
As I sit to consolidate the fragments.

I can’t help but ask myself,
“How could I have been so myopic?”
As if that weren’t quite enough,
I admit I’ve also been lethargic.

I’ve only seen how far I’ve gotten through,
In climbing the ladder of life-uncanny.
I sought solace by looking at those
Ahead of whom I’d gotten, Oh! Were they many!

Oh! How I wish life was more perspicuous!
For then it would not have been this hard,
To accept that my life (yes) is ridiculous,
I would at least have been on guard!

Now, I’m left to swim ashore,
across the ocean of self-discovery.
Complacency is something I can have no more,
if I resolve to win my destiny.

Oh boy! Was it a revelation!
A waking call that shattered me.
It only proved wrong my presumption,
That I was happy just being me!

PAINFUL PAATRAMS!!!

Oh! Does it sound perfect or what! It’s raining cats and dogs outside. I sit cuddled up in the ever so cozy sofa in hall, with a hot cuppa coffee by the side, ripping off bhutta with my pepsodent teeth, with one of Robert Fulghum’s best sellers…..
This is exactly what I was thinking of by the end of two whole hours of dish washing, with yet another lorry full of dishes to be washed!i was decked up in a thick cotton tee over which hugging me was one of dad’s polka dotted shirt(from the 80’s!), the thickest track pants I could find, a pair of socks, a bandana to cover my hair, and ofcourse my ghar ke chappal.
After meeting Yd in the evening, I came home and straight away started the job thinking I’ll spend I nice time with daddu (‘d’ as in dum maro dum) as it was only the two of us at home. Tuls (my ma) and vids in train coming back from Chennai. The costume was cold proof and the music on vh1 also kind of pepped me up! well….i washed each paatram (vessel in tamizh) with so much care and patience like it was the only vessel to be washed. But after a while I felt like I was doing it for a couple of hundreds of years. I convinced myself that it was because I had been standing in the same place for nearly an hour and so I granted myself a 5 minute break. I switched the computer on to find the internet not connected. I called “video ganga” and he sweetly said he’ll be there in five minutes. The known bakra that I am, I nodded and hung up to join hands with my scrubber.
While scrubbing and rinsing and fetching water from the balcony I thought of many nice things to stop myself from breaking down. I thought of the four yummmm men of Il Divo which made me hum Toni Braxton’s Unbreak my heart;I thought of sister’s idiosyncratic expletives-explosion in the terrorizing Hyderabadi traffic which takes me to all those instances when she would YELL out of her Rs.250 ka helmet something like, “oreeeiiii….neee yabbaa” to the dumb pedestrian oblivious to the road and to the fact that our bike’s breaks aren’t really reliable…and the day when we were on our way to mehdipatnam, the panic attack that she had when this scooter wallah right in front of us was driving at a speed of say 3 km/hr or so that made her scream “ scooter uncle MOOOOVE…fat aunty get off that scooter”well that was because the pillion rider (scooter aunty) was rather …ahem.. bonny?? Yeah “bonny”; I thought of how my mother blushes every time she was told she looked Sexy when asked if she looked good enough or not! I thought of how my civic’s sir used to pronounce love as lauuu…..and how we’d all prolong the ‘uuu” for another few seconds; I thought of how Ryan and I danced in front of the whole school, when I was Cinderella and he was my prince way back in third grade; The very thought of Cinderella brings a whirlpool of emotions into me reminding me of the pile of mess I had put mself into, by then!
Having gotten frustrated again I called and properly barked at he cable net guy for his indifference and irresponsibility and what not. Sigh…much better! Get back to work now!hmmm… man. I couldn’t stop thinking of Rani’s level of patience and stamina. Rani’s our petite ex-maid. My direct senior! That kutti taurean maid of ours had another 7-8 houses to her client list! I was so sick by then I thought I’d throw away the rest of the paatrams and tell my mother that our house was robbed that morning. But then I realized tuls was way to shaani to buy that coz I knew that she’d go, “no chor would be so dumb as to seal vessels that can take on only one adjective-obsolete”.
I sure considered the possibility of my house being haunted coz I felt strongly that there was someone who kept on adding more and more paatram in the unwashed pile. My pretty,cute, stubby fingers were being tortured beyond words. I was glad mom wasn’t home coz otherwise she would have definitely taunted me saying, “That’s why I say-‘kannu paattha, kayyi vela pannanum’.” (If eyes see, hands should work!! meaning-do it as and when you spot it). I knew what dad was going to come up with when I saw him enter the kitchen reluctantly! He started his disciplinarian discourse and I concluded it for him without his having to say, “ shuru madidha daasayya shankhka oodlikke!” …meaning-there goes daasayya with his shankhkha …to suggest something like crying in the wilderness!
With a kannadiga father and tamilian ma, you could get one helluva time trying to speak both ending up speaking tammada. I shoo away daddu in whatever language it is and curse my stars for this unfortunate day. I reminisced the previous day when daddu and I were having a blast watching baatliwallah. I was surprised he liked it coz he’s usually anti-sitcoms and all the related types of shows. I went on washing for another 397 years (or so it felt)!

“Chill!! The World doesn’t come to an end!!!

Scene 1: In the college, while making charts for the freshers’ day, about a dozen of us were in the hall with all the craft materials cutting, pasting, and having a blast. A sticky, slimy pot full of mucky yellow glue descended all the way from the table top to land with a plop on Soheli’s new sequined kurti!!! This is what follows:

Swe (with her usual sardonic concern!) : “What’s this entire hullabaloo for???”
Soheli: “It’s my first anniversary gift and this is the first time I’m wearing it!
Swe: “Anniversary! Of what??”
Soheli: “of our love!!! He gifted it to me just last week and now it’s ruined!!”
Swe: “halloo??? Strike this with a hammer! The world doesn’t come to an end!!!”
We were startled at her bluntness! Swetha’s always very straight. But there are some things that need to be sugarcoated (although Swe doesn’t agree!)!Anyway, the drama terminated there and the day went on to give birth to several months.

Scene 2: I’m at home as usual, wondering. And I couldn’t help but be handcuffed with the truth that Swe was right then! True enough! The world did not end at that…It won’t when you flunk unexpectedly; it won’t when a slimy, healthy, black, spotted, hyper active lizard falls on you; it won’t when any of our trusted sidekicks plays the Judas; it won’t when you’re filled with compunction after having killed the annoying, juicy mosquito sucking your precious blood… it won’t until it has to!
I thought my world would end the day I had to leave Hosur to settle in Hyderabad. The memories, the irreplaceable buddies, the dear childhood sweethearts, and the terrorizing pranks we’d play on others…But I’ve lived through it all and eight years have gone by without much pain.
I thought so when we gave doogie away. He didn’t belong to my species, yes. But he was indeed a piece of my soul. He had THE most comforting eyes and was an incorrigible brat! I missed him for years then on and I still do. But the world lived on and so did I!
I felt my world was shrinking when swe left to the US. My alter-ego was ripping apart, miles apart. I wondered if I’d ever find a close substitute to my Libra-Scorpio journal! I cried. I wondered. I survived. And I still am, well aware of the fact that, I will until “then”.
Are these the ways of life? Or are these symptoms of an irreparably ego-centric maniac? Am I so self absorbed that, now, no matter what, I’ve tuned myself to go on, to adjust, to exist?? Is it a sign of self-alienation?? Is it an indication of a dramatically lonely “end”? I hope not, coz loneliness, I can’t fight…
But if I keep getting accustomed to the way things change, one day I’ll end up having nothing, no one! No shoulder to cry on; No one to slap while laughing heartily; No one to run to for advice; No one to enjoy the communicative silence with; no one to shoot thoughts at;
No one to criticize; No one to pat my back in appreciation; No one to live with; No one to live for…
Not like any of these matters, coz, the world doesn’t come to an end anyway!!!

MY SIDE OF "THE STORY"

I’m no ‘Theologist’ to be certain,
Nor am I an Atheist to protest,
I’m no follower to believe, in
Something that’s worshipped by the rest.

I’m called names by a few,
for questioning their belief.
But I still don’t have a clue,
As they mum me with retorts brief.

I wonder which Theos insists,
On a warfare in His name!
I’m equally awed by the Nihilists,
Who rule out Religion from the game.

I spend hours trying to fathom,
The reason we garland an idol.
The testimonies are always a welcome,
But to bolster them is another hurdle.

I ponder if all this can be justified;
Either ways, I wouldn’t be affected.
Just that the World’s peace would be fortified,
‘ If ’ with religion we weren’t so connected.

I see no point in vaguely sermonizing,
When we’re so closely related to malice,
Preaching, praying and trusting.
With a heart that’s nothing but callous!

I’m glad I’ve turned Agnostic,
For I have no need to pretend.
But don’t you rate this as rhetoric,
For that’s not what I intend!

For me, my conscience is ‘The Almighty’,
It is all that I revere,
It is all that I regard as ‘The Deity’,
It is the only part of me I fear.

No ‘heavenly body’ do I follow.
No ‘verbose theories’ I preach.
No ‘bread in wine’ do I swallow.
No ‘wishes or grants’ I beseech.

I search no God in the debris.
I kill no one for His cause.
I totally live by my nous,
For that’s my God and my Boss!

COMPLEXITY- THY NAME IS HUMAN

After an eternal five second pause, I reacted, “ummmm…. ohhh!!! Well…. hmmm (with a giggle)...Ok???!!! ” and to avoid any sudden outburst of my boisterous laughter, I swam to the other end with a never before speed and called out for the coach myself! Trust me; hearing “those” words from “her” at “that” time was ineffably hillllarious!!! Days have passed by since then, but those words keep ringing in my ears to bring a smile on my face, n’importe quand!
“Sorry, I don’t talk to guys” were the six magical words that Miss. Humungous eyes with short-stubby lashes had uttered to me that summer afternoon. What happened then was that, one of the rather new swimmers was kind of struggling in the deeper end of the pool and the coach was called for. I gestured “the loved one” (to be translated) to call out for the coach as she was closest to him. It was then that I heard these words of ultimate feminism! I was baffled beyond words!
I have wondered about the possibility of the existence of such a creature ever since. Have the young girls today reached such a state of independence that they can do without even talking to their male counterparts? The statement also forced me to consider her “preferences”. Yet, I couldn’t come up with anything strong enough to support her decision of not “talking” to guys! Well, it could be some incident that had forced her to embrace this extreme display of feminism, but I know her too well to believe that! Her friends were too loud and obnoxious for me to believe that she was being “pious”. I wondered if she had a brother. I thought about her social life (assuming she had one!).I even wondered about her “will power”, because I strongly believe in the saying that it takes more effort to ignore a person! What about her cousins?

“Sorry, I don’t talk to guys”
Was the emphasis on “I” in that sentence to suggest that it is supposed to be the guy who should make the first move? But the situation then in the pool was crucial and she couldn’t wait for the coach to ask her what had happened! Was the emphasis on “talk” to suggest that she was a woman of “action” and not of words! But this assumption failed too, as it did not fit the situation! Was the emphasis on “guys” suggesting her inclination towards “older men”, or perhaps “something or some one else”! Well, whatever she meant, she sure has left me with a source of wonder and a source so profound that I can spend hours on this subject!
I travel the entire universe with this single statement. One thought leads to another and, thus, very soon, I find myself amidst a million inexplicable realities. I think of man’s wants, desires, “temptations”, his preposterous decisions, his absurdities, his blind sight, his narrow mindedness, his limitations, his restricted thought process, his myopic view points, his masked face, his flawed image, his social obligations, his boot-licking bond with the society, his obstreperous calm, his dubious beliefs, his passion for the wrong, his unawareness of the right, his quest for evanescence, his irregularities, his aversion to facts, and what not.
May be her innocent sentence just played the trick on me! Or may be I am culpable of thinking too much (like I am told most often)! May be each of us have our own profound sources of entering into the jungle of “wonder”. Well…I just need an excuse to enter the Oh-so-inviting jungle, and the only thing I end up with at the end of each trip is this truth: “human brain is beyond human comprehension”. And I have to drop it at that for my mother invariably calls me by then, for it is a long and brain racking journey way back home!

TRUST ME WHEN I SAY:"TRUST ME NOT".

TRUST ME NOT...
for I can believe
words you never said,
and turn into a foe,
you'll forever dread.

TRUST ME NOT...
for I may prefer
my own obligations
over those of yours
without a wee hesitation.

TRUST ME NOT
for I can decieve
when you least expect,
and only you're at blame,
couse never once did you suspect!

TRUST ME NOT...
for I may behave
like you are adored;
but you have to get it:
"you are actually abhored!"

TRUST ME NOT...
for I may give my word
and choose not to stand by it!
Alas!!!you bear the brunt
cause you chose to buy it!

TRUST ME NOT...
for I'm "independant";
its always I, me, myself!
if you were any wiser,
you'd learn to trust yourself!

TRUST ME NOT...
for I too am human!!!
Its for you to learn
that nothing about me
can ever be certain!


NO..I'm not a cynic...atleast not as yet!But this is something I had written during my short lived attempt at being "empathetic".I put myself in the shoes of most peole I have come across and this is like the justifications given by them to me...so,its not me as in my own shoes that has written this...it is the ever so empathetic Divya...!!!

ANYTHING FOR IMMORTALITY!

Is there any way,
I can know how long I’ll live?
Perhaps a bureau of some kind,
where such details they’ll give?

I know not anybody, who can
help me with this thing!
Perhaps an angel, or a wise man,
Or a witch with a magic ring!

I dream to live for eternity,
Yet,I just need to confirm…
About how long is it exactly,
On this earth, my life’s term?

I’d love to ask the crystal ball,
To help me out in this!
Or implore the mirror on the wall
Or even a frog I’d kiss!!!