Run logaan run!!!( 10K run 2005)

I swear i didnt think i would survive even 2 kms...Tanvi and i were simply looking for the relief vans, from the start!!Nimisha and her sis passed out by the time they reached lumbini park!!!!Tanvi and i kept shifting from walking to fast walking to faster walking to slow jogging to jogging.I am so proud of myself that i actually made it all the way.10 kilometers!!!!!We started at 7.55 AM and we steppep at the finish line at abt 9.20 smthin...not a great deal.but for a beginner WITHOUT PRIOR TRAINING, its pretty nice!!
Tanny tripped and fell in between.Had to pep her up to catch up.She has a great stamina for someone that pukes everything that is consumed.nimisha and her sis still managed to keep walking despite the exhaustion...the comperers of the evnt stunk mighty big time.The lady goes "cash prize of rupissss 5,000" and "cash yawaaard".man!entertainment u bet!
Hmm...anyways...I am sure the mal functioning of my lower body is worth all the fun i had today!!I mean, i was soooo in awe of roe that he manage 10 kms last year and all that.And I did it myself!!!!seriously i tend to under estimate my own worth at times...my thighs hurt,my kness dont bend,my entire leg wont move without a wierd twist,and I am proud of my accomplishment!Infact i was so terribly proud that sooo many people participated in the run!!Nice!!I sure am in deep fun,with the myriad trouble points in my body now....

The mighty Sun's little Ray...and his new day...

It was another day of discoveries,
for the young ray,that already
had danced through stories,
of tears and hopes and miseries...

It had passed through the fear-so vast
that conjusted the little girl's eyes;
through the unshed tears she amassed;
through the monster in her,He had raised...

It had passed through the smile-so rare
that faintly covered her infinite pain;
through the million questions in her stare;
through the six decades of a widowed reign...

It had passed through the ring-a pale emarald
that she wore even after all the shame;
through the endless guilt in which she dwelled;
through the poisoned arrows in her daughter's blame...

It had passed through that drop of exhaust
that sailed down his spine-aching it;
through the hours of wait-to earn it's cost;
through the lanes of exhaustion-so well lit...

It had passed through her silver anklets
that He had adorned his 'love' with;
through the pinch of his death on her palate;
through the false marriage she was bond with...

It had passed through the hair on his chest
that couldn't add up to all his regrets;
throuh the initial struggle to acquaint 'life';
throgh the conclusive pleas of a silent wealth...

It had passed through their secret wish
that was but to live away from 'now'...
through the disturbing sights of an improper intimacy;
through the depressing sound of an unvoiced love...

The ray was,now,game for more
where else was it destined to go...
what more was its journey to show...
what other stories was he to know...

Lost in Translation??

"Je garde"...this song is the first French piece that I heard(learnt,sang,re-sang...)and it is a really neat one.It is by a French babe called Jennifer,who,at the time of making this song,was (not more than) 19 years of age.This song is(for me!!)perhaps the best in the entire record.She,I hear,is a teen rage in France.And if (ifff) I amn't wrong,she writes her lyrics herself aussi!
While doing the beginners' level at Alliance,our group had chosen this song to sing at the "fete de la musique"(june 2004).At that initial stage,none of us could emulate the pucca Parisian accent(specially the 'r') this lady rendered B_E_A_U_T_I_F_U_L_L_Y!!!We would sit together for hours,straining our poor throats,to attain that kind of fluency of accent,which sadly failed us!But somehow we managed to pull out a pretty good job,not necessarily sounding like a chain of blind mendicants!!
This song also fetched me super cool compliments at Ann's.I made a complete nincompoop of myself addressing a group "areeee(not arrey!)!idhar aa ge!!haule baathaan nakko kar" intellects( ok...im exaggerrating!), with this French song.Confused,amused,interested,ROTFL kind of eyes,"eh??" eyes," "I knew you were wierd,but never knew you were this wierd" kind of looks,"there she goes" looks,and there were those that supported me through this ordeal as well!But it also contributed to the (few??)trophies I have earnt at Ann's!!
Anyways,this is my first attempt at translation.The song has been modified at a few places in the desperate attempt to retain maximum of the "french" feel.But if I have done injustice to it and the "feel" is 'lost in translation' pardon me Jennifer.English is at the mercy of French any day!!And I am still a student learning the language, so I guess its justified!;-P

I guard the memories
of the pictures we never shared,
of the first attempts of smile,
rendered hastily yet yielding conquests.

I guard the surprises
that you,on me,rained,
each beautiful morning.
Your sleepy eyes,desiring me
beneath you,
every other day...

I guard our weaknesses,
that defined our "human" roots.
The futile silences,
and the language our hands shared...

There lives no unfilled space,
it's just what I "feel"...
No language can spell it right,
Only my feelings have survived...

It is this way,that
I picture the two of us-
The reflections,in my eyes (I guard)
All our laughters over a "nothing" "
The sweetness of my words "
The radiance that you spread "
The colours of the past "
The zephyr trapped in my tresses "
But,
All our nights and all the falsities-
Are what are left to stare back at us...

The song continues.But we had to stop at that,lest we scared the poor Frenchies present there!Now, I can confidently sound like a mendicant (a blind one!)BUT...with the Parisian accent(or so i believe!!)!!!!

The 'Je ne sais quoi' I'm breeding

It sure is comforting to know that you are not alone.specially when you are assured that you are not the only single soul in the whole wide world to be feeling the way you do.Comforting at the same time intriguing...
It has been this way from when this academic year began,around june-july.From when i have been getting the "ha!another of those fit for nothing dreamers!!" look,when asked about "what I do".From when i have been hearing "What?You're wasting one whole year??" when i tell them i am doing language courses and other stuff, having taken a year off after my intermediate.From when i have constantly been made to feel like i didn't join any college the reason being that i was/am not fit to go to good college!!and obviously i dont expect myself to go tell every tom,mick and harry that i got through admissions at Christ's (B'lore) and Francis (Hyd) apart from standing 13 (damned number!) in the wait list of Harvard,ie, rejected, and after being given an admission in Lawrence Univ provided i increase my funds,which i didnt even consider doing.
I don't see the source for this sudden inudation of lack of direction,motivation,ambition,interest,trust,appreciation,
dedication,resolution,concentration,perseverence,discipline,
self-esteem,planning,calm,passion,'the' drive,impulse,
everything in fact to be content...
I thought i was the only one feeling so helpless and worthless.Gigantic dreams with no compass to follow.Sit about all day long doing useful nothings.Nothing socially productive.Read books if and when i feel like,solve friendly crosswords,surf the net for some god-forsaken topic (Lucifer,etymology of the word 'babooshka',eunuchs,wine making,exact pronunciation of the word-'development'[which actually is 'div-VEL-up-ment],neruda,bla bla bla),swinging in and out of wikipedia like crazy,think of doing something,think more,just think all the more and suddenly go out for a two hour walk to chacha nehru park nearby...to think of what it is that i need to be thinking passionately about...
And for the past two-three weeks this insensitivity towards most things has been driving me (us) nuts.I couldn't confide in anybody for the fear of being misread,indicating lack of trust in the person,ie,paranoia.I was under the notion that i was over reacting to nothing at all...until she came clean with it,as we were discussing something close.
We spoke about how we both go about doing charity(very religiously) every week and end up turning a blind eye to our own 'needy' people.How the passion to "do something" is fading because it has not paid off yet and also as we donot wish to be crying in the wilderness.How lack of appreciation has pinched out the urge to better ourselves.How both of us know that "who we are" is so contradictory to "who we are forced to be,and thereby end up being".How our disorganised/chaotic/vague/directionless/monotonous life is nearly driving us crazy (literally).
Why whine instead of working towards improving it? Well, that is because neither of us is sure if there is a chaos for real!!I suggested that this maniacal urge to break free be some kind of omen that we were/are missing,that is pleading to be deciphered.( yes,The Alchemist is indeed a marvelous piece of work).She pointed out to the loneliness that both of us seem to be trapped in oflate.She offered procrastination.I slipped in- lack of discipline.She blamed OCD.I jovially added MPD!!!But i believe (due to helplessness) in the fact that it is just another cheap trick played by the mind.I presume it is deliberately making us engross ourselves in highly insignificant things so that we evade "the call" that perhaps is awaiting us.And no,i have the least intentions of preaching any religious "Calling" the way Mother Teresa claimed to have received.
Nothing satisfies this urge.You don't even know what it is that you long for.But you know for the heavens that 'that something' is forever going to transform you.You just need to be unperturbed by the creepy voice that sets you in doubt by constantly chanting "you are wasting your life".You KNOW that is so untrue.But a part of you accepts that it is not all that false.You can't talk it out as you dont want the 'normally normal' people running away in disgust/fear.You know that 'this you' is not 'the you'.Still you need to hold on, cause it is all up to you to decipher that momentary 'call' that i feel is causing this inexplicable impulse to shout out to the world about the 'real you'...which still is estranged,or so it appears...
We spoke for long.I realised we weren't really world apart in this 'god-knows'what' mania.And i guess many of the 'normally abnormal' people feel the same way as well...Tricked.Caught.Confined.Caged.Played with.Misread.Ending up lost in a seemingly large network of questions which are beyond vision or reach...

To the granny i never had...

To the the Granny I,now, have found

With an emporium of contentment,
there She lives discarded.
no kin or life to speak about,
She owns but her enclosed empire.

I've known her for just six days,not more
but I gather her crippled gaiety.
I could see the maniacal hope
in the her pleas at four and ninety.

Enchained by her breath,She lives on
grasping the quake life had shot.
but dregs of faith still flow her way,
She sips them in tearful submission.

I have my own little huts of dole,
which I build and break quite often.
but her's is a galactic house of woes,
in which She's trapped, with no end.

She could have seen a kin in me,
or seen a masked demon!
but She did seem to welcome me,
to seal the sight of haunting memories.

I cant wait to go back to her,
to feel the warmth of a tacit smile...
to learn the joys of the wrinkled age...
to know how exactly how to 'live' life...