What to do...I am that way!(and i aint changin it!)

(coming clean with my best kept secret!)

I'm not very complex.Atleast i know so!There's just one key to help you with my innermost intentions.My best kept secrets, i mean.And that is...I am at my bitterest self, with the one's i love more than words can ever explain!!
I guess I'm postin this only because I know that "most" people I really live for, don't access my blog!And among the few who do check it out, there are those that already know this kutty truth!
I taunt when I am not understood; I speak really stinging words when i feel betrayed;I shout in the fear of being judged on my behaviour then;well...shouts are only for and with mom.But the most common method I adopt to hide my emotions, is resorting to taunts!WHY??I have no clue myself!May be because I expect the "taunted" to know me well enough to see the love behind the bitter words!
And on the other hand, I am very normal with those that have least value in my life!!I never feel insecure with them around coz I know there is no profound intentions there!Its how they say-"hi..bye frends!"...I never fumble or stutter.I am at my best self with the least important people ironically!
My brain begins to malfunction only when I am around the people I don't wanna lose!I end up thinking about what to say,how to put it,when to exactly tell it to them and all that, that I most often end up making a big fool of myself!
Another bizzzzzare vice of mine is that with the people that are ineffably dear to me, sarcasm is the only service i tend to offer(actually borrowed it from a statement tee!).But seriously, I try so hard not to let my unalloyed love for them surface,that i resort to sarcastic,biting comments!I am extremely curt at times.Well...to cut it short,I'm a total bitch with the one's I'd die for!
And boy!You don't even wanna know how maladroit I can get, when I'm around the ones I'd loved to be loved by(if you know what I mean!)I am a perfect paradigm of malpropism!I try really really hard not to fumble or make any silly mistakes that I end up doing exxxxactly that!I forget important details;I comment on the most piffling things;I laugh at the wrong time( not coz i don't listen to them,but perhaps because the structure of the sentence amused me??);I don not laugh when I am supposed to( just a slight smirk with a raised eyebrow mostly!);I have the dumbbbest of doubts;I come up with really really nasty and sick "jokes";I try and be as impersonal as I can get;I behave as rotten as I can possibly be;Basically I try my best to attract hatred and disgust!
I have no clue as to why it should be this way!But what I am very sure of is that I have allllways been successful at repelling the "most wanted"!
I donno how many of the ones that are supposed to read this are reading it!But the fact is that I don't want to change this vice of mine coz I believe that as long as the profundity of love remains,the means of expression and its presentation cannot change lots!!(or so i hope!)