Tuesday, January 17, 2006

My 50th post-cheeerz!to death!

Mrs.Dhanalakshmi is dead.She is no more.Not to me,not to her students,not to her admirers nor to her people...she is simply dead...What a news to deliver!Dead!Liver Operation fail-so DEAD!
The one lady I would have just blindly believed, no matter what.The one woman who could have the attention of the entire class of 70+ students with the most cheerful attitude...not your typical teacher of "i-make-dullards-study-too" nor the usual "i-am-an-angel-in-disguise" kinds...She would literally put you to tears with her compassion and dedication( I know so)...There was a time when my mother had to undergo a rather big operation and I was frequently irregular.She would (i was told) pray everyday, before the class began,for her recovery and ask each student to do their bit too.Not just my mother,she would do it for everybody.And she did it not to gain our "what-lovely-teacher" views, for she was beyond all that.
I hated school after she retired because she was the only reason I stuck to that school.I had none to open out to,confide in, trust, laugh with, encourage me beyond practicality...From the loser,defeatist attitude i was made up of, she was the one that transformed me into a relatively confident orator, debatist.She would blindly give my name for any essay competitions and it was only for her that i would give my best shot.And she knew what she meant to me...
I am shattered at how wicked this whole plot is!
After schooling i have been in regular contact with her.Birthdays,good-news-times,occasions,confession-times,have always kept us together.Infact a pillar is gone in my academic/personal life...pillar of encouragement basically...I wish to forget at the earlieast about this dirty joke...Its not funny death!I hope u die soon too...amen.
PS:I know u know it.But mam,If there ever comes a time in my life where in I deal with a child as a student/teenager,I will emulate you in every which way it demands.Blindly.Completely.I might not get anymore genuine encouragement ever in my life.But I remember every single word of what you wanted me to be...and I remember my answer to it too...I hope death repents for this.And i hope you transform it into a better entity...can u stillread my thoughts??I know...I wont say anymore...

Sunday, January 15, 2006

But then...

True...It isn't true...
For what is true-is seen-and
what is seen,alone,is accepted,
by the millions unseen.

But then...
what is "felt"??...
what is felt is impure,
it's ugly and rejected...
and in cases this kind-
most severely objected...

But then...
but then I know,
that It is purer than seen,
and its beauty,
is beyond acceptance...
Just a form it lacks,
and that is the joy complete!

And yet...
True-It isn't...
It "is"-for its felt;
It "is" not-for its not seen!

But then...
If mere "existence" dictated "truth",
(and not the "sight" of it)
And if all that is,hence, "true"
was encouraged and accepted,
And all that gained acceptence,
also gained a form...
would it kill "the joy"???

Is it this private joy that I seek??
Or is it the imbroglio that follows...??
Is it this nothingness that I want??
Or the completeness it assures...??
Is it this precarious trust that I expect??
Or the lack of it that allures me...
Is it this formless sequence that I love??
But then...Why do I feel,that this is It...??