Growing up...

Helpless, they fall

as did I,

but now-

in all my numbness

there lies

a certain silence

born of omniscience-

a tacit reconnaissance

that knows,

wants and trusts,

yearns for and

seeks none...

but you.

Do me a favour

and do them justice

for they still gather

in ready submission,

in eager admission

of what they've always

known, wanted, sought.

Won't you fight

just for love

as I love fighting

these sorry tears?

Off with The Head.

A fearless, seem-less, all-encompassing desire;

a religious urge, a maternal need-

an indigestible craving

to renounce, reach,

surge, seek,

fumble and gasp and shriek,

falter and sigh and wail...

and FALL....

and let go...

and fly,

across the eyes of time- drift,

through nothingness-sift,

and merge

into the vast dot of exclusion...

to be there, where

sense, reason, logic and

the putrid achievements

of the head

are dead

and wrapped along the coast

of exploding Joy

of self-inclusion.

The only infallible euphoria- Me.

Per-verse

The beauty of being...

Each moment, with Life

and seeing

the myriad pastures,

the raging wild raptures

of this mad mad dance-

of this calming estate

of chaos and idyll.

Knowing little,

gathering much

with no end as such;

Enter and Exit

this nonchalant nonsense-

this Pit

of limitless pretense.

Blame me, would you

for this lavish lust

for this tricky trust

I attach so

To this rotten rust

of love and disgust?

I me detach.

Congrats Karthik! :-)

It doesn't seem so long ago that Karthik, Gani, Ramesh anna, Sulaksh, Suji, Adi and I played silly card games like 'Joker' and 'Go Fish', sitting in Bala mama's front room all- crammed up and unaware of life's myriad troubles! I am kind of happy choked as i read the mail today announcing karthik's engagement and wedding. Wrote to him immediately about how happy I am for him, and how indigestible it is that we have all grown up so fast! Strange... I remember how in inter 1st year civics sir (Sridhar) had once said something nasty to me, and when I wrote to Karthik about it (We were in touch over mails regularly around that time...those were good times when I was more social with family and less social otherwise!) he promptly wrote to me saying if it happened again, he would beat him up black and blue... :-) awwww... I guess I just need some ventilation, coz it actually is so unbelievable for me that people I always regarded as part of MY environment, are going ahead to claim their own grown-up identities... It is a very interesting concept in my head, I just am in no mood to elaborate on that coz I feel good/sad... yes, it can happen.

Well, all said and done- I am happy (very much so) for my bro... virtual hugs for making me realise we ain't kids anymore-cracking and laughing at 'fart jokes' (I still do sometimes...can't help laughing!)... Life... the beautiful bitch! I love her! muah!

School Zone- going real fast!!!!

Oh! Well… The not-so-circular circle of life!!! It was not so long ago that I was the youngest member of the class in every thing (other than academics) that I did, and now as life has it, I am teaching kids that are younger than half my age- making me the oldest young person they know! No me gusta, but the kids… Oh!mon!dieu!are-you-bloody-bonkers!!! I could bundle all of them up in a sleepingbag and keep them for myself for life- except- they are not going to reamin as cute for too long, so… back to square one- just teach them and scram!

Let’s see…I won’t even go as far as recounting my experience from day 1, coz then I will end up giving a whole new dimension to the word ‘patience’. I believe one single day’s experiences would summarise the journey just as well...

Raveena, 10 yrs : “Mam, have you ever been to America?” “No…Why do you ask…?” “umm…You remind me of America! You smell like how all the Indian American houses smell…It is kind of musky…Kind of sweet…Kind of spicy…You smell really good, but you remind me of my old house..” “…….. the other day Rishika accidentally calls me ‘Dad’ and now I smell like a house…wow! …..” gigglegigglegiggle……..

Choi, 10 yrs : “Mam! If that inspection woman come, I will kick her very hard and tell her you are a very good teacher…and I will tell her I have to run to the bathroom… that way she understands how good you are plus I don’t get scolded” ::BIGGGGRINNN::

“Aashna, 6 yrs: (the beautiful beautiful 3ft non-stop machine)“Ms.Divya, you are soooooo good at art, you should be our art teacher, because or art teacher is so boring, she can’t even draw half the patterns that you draw but she gives us so much instructions like she is the perfect artist ever…No one can be perfect in art, right Ms.Divya? She thinks she is, I don’t like her…Can you be our speyanish teacher, and our art teacher, and also our class teacher! It would be so cool to have you around all day! You don’t give us as many worksheets, you don’t write notes to our parents, you let us play in the class and best of all you let our colour…I don’t eevn like spanish actually, but now I like it, because I get to do so much fun stuff with you!!!” (Just then, from across the corridor, the french kids run amock, as clemence decides to let them go 10 mins in advance…” “Ms.Divya, can we go? Ohhh!!! The french are so lucky!! They come late to class, and they get to leave tem minutes early! I wish I were in french…awwww…please Ms.Divya…can we go???”

Afaan, 9 yrs: “mam, aap muslim ho jaao…waise bhi ittha accha hindi borrey aap…muslim ho gaye tho aur accha rehta…” “Hindi accha baat kare tho muslim ho jana ji? Kaiku aisa?” “Jannat k u jaate aap… kuch bhi nahi hai…qaali aap naam change karlo, phir Monday ku mai ek dua laake detum, who padliye tho aap jannat ku jaate…” “………………… .. … ………. Sure!”

Gemma, 7 yrs: “Mam! Come closer, I have a secret to tell ya! Do you know why Aashna is so silent today? Yash (6 yrs)’s brother Niel (3 yrs) told Aashna(6 yrs) today that he wants to marry her!! Aashna is not talking to him from then! She is so confused because he is so much younger than her! I told her it’s ok, but she likes him too, except that he is way to young for her! Don’t tell her I told ya…she confided in me, but I like you so I told you”

Ishita, Eshita, Sally, Nishita, Koumudhi, 8,9 yrs: Mam!!!! You have such long nails!!! So Pretty! "Can we touch them?" "Are they real?" "My mom's nails are so brittle, she wears extensions, but these are real!!!" "mam! Can you wear green nailpolish tomorrow?" "No, she has green on her feet now, Wear yellow mam!" "Oh my gosh! Koumudhi check these out!!!" "MAM!!! Your toe nails are soooooo long!!! You can just stab a man with your nail!!" "Mam, please let us touch it...they are so soft........" I swear by god, the 5 girls were in sashtanga namaskar position by my long-toe-nailed-feet, and were taking turns touching the nails....

OH! and did I tell you I let the kids do what they naturally want to do? Inquire... (Because there's no point resisting, they will do it anyways.... I am loving it and i have every intention to love it as long as it lasts, ie, 3 more days :-( :-( :-( thank god for the opportunity though! ;-P )

What goes around comes around.

And that's what rules the world...atleast my world!

I frown. I sting.

Don't hate me yet!

The smiles I bring,

how you forget!

Hold me for now

I too am flawed...

Don't raise that brow;

do spare the rod!

Too sweet ain't me-

I need to bite.

I am but me-

Not black. Not white.

Frankenstein effect

I play host to a breathlessness unknown

where days are electric-nights forlorn

I drown in a desert that quenches my thirst

My desert of choices. My bubble shall burst.