What am I to do?

Thoughts and theories all absurd,
words of wisdom, surely heard-that
when they fight- the heart and the mind,
stick to the heart, an answer you'll find.

But at rare times, when afar goes this fight,
when sense and conscience, both seem right,
when bound am I amidst "how" and "why",
what am I to do?Just give up and sigh?

When I have not the power to set things straight,
and I have not the courage to trust my fate,
when wisdom within me is still unseen,
what am I to do?Stop reacting to the scene?

When laughter echoes every plea for support,
and sans any support,discouraged, sinks my boat,
when the fire in me seems to burn in vain,
what am I to do? Simply swallow the pain?

When issues hit me and I want to fight back,
and might is all I need, for I have the knack,
when glances and jeer, are all in return I get,
what am I to do?whine, worry and fret?

When many around me wish to stand up and speak,
and many other, a changed lifestyle seek,
when my life is ruled by "I-don't-know-who"
what am I to do?I have not a clue...

I speak my thoughts out to the people I trust,
and their comments about it, tell you I must,
they sing the same song, but are just as lost,
they are just as pained at a helpless cost.

It aint no mere reason, but a genuine one,
what we seem to lack is that loaded gun,
to trigger the otherwise ignited submission,
to show us what we see not-the right direction.

And again I risk my thoughts and my theories,
perhaps absurd, but do answer my queries,
who be that sun, I look up to already?
where be that gun, I wish to closely study?

When all agitation merely ends in talk,
and to seek a solution, none leads the walk,
when it irates me further, to sit and watch,
why do I still await, an already burning torch?

When none wants to lead,but all seek a change,
and all sit in agony and indignation and rage,
when awaited is he, who is yet to be born,
wouldn't this world, in due time, be gone?

As I sit to pen down,these thoughts unclear,
and you read the same, I can see our thoughts near,
and yet I hesitate to think of something concrete,
for I seek not a war, that ends in a defeat...

what a wonderful world....

Perhaps it was to compensate for all those utterly boring days during the year, that monika happened to me at the end.From just another trainee at the goethe zentrum (german centre) to a treasured pal, the fun element has been there through out.As i had promised her, i took her out for a shopping spree one day, when she happened to tell me about her plans of travelling India, post the training period.She seemed to iterate the fact that she was to travel the south of India, all by herself .And it was but obvious to a travel-loving soul like mine to take notice!!She suggested i speak to ma about it and i did it the very same afternoon.monika joined us for lunch at greenpark and managed to charm ma with her genuine self.TADAAAA!!!!!10 day trip and just the two of us!!!!!
Polish by birth, monika has been living in Germany for the past 3 years, studying german and working alongside.She was in hyderabad as a trainee at the german centre for 6 weeks.Unlike the other (few) europeans i have met/come across, she was unusually modest and noticeably open with everybody.So the trip...listed chronologically...
DAY-1:
We left to chennai on the 27th of march.chennai express.the next day at about 7 am we reached chennai and took an auto to my mama's place.we had planned to take a local tour in chennai that afternoon, organized by the tourism dept.and what a lousy tour that was!!!the guide actually took the pain of introducing us aliens, thrice to the local koovam river which is mainly used for sewage purpose.man!!and the other draw back was that in the museum, the charges for indians was Rs.15 where as all foreign nationals had to pay Rs.250!!!!Total nonsense!!And that left Monika and the other firangs pretty wild!
DAY-2
we take the same tourism dept's help in touring other parts of Tamil Nadu around chennai.First we set off to kancheepuram.Saw Ekambareeshwar temple,Kamakshi temple and then finally Vishnu temple.then we were taken to this silk mill, to witness the making of a silk saree!!not of any help though, for,the entire process was explained to us in less than 2mins flat!!!then half an hour to shop at the govt silk store where they offered a 20% discount to us!Then we moved to Mahabalipuram.The sculptures didnt appeal a lot to Monika except for this huge monolithic elephant, since the day was too hot!Went to the beach.And then on the way back to chennai, we stopped at VGP golden beach for an hour, and a couple of thrill rides did get us back to our senses!!back home exhausted!!
DAY-3
Wake up early morning to set off to pondi!!!aah!the drive was simply beautiful!!no traffic ka jhanjhat.perfect weather.lovely car.great company.super music playing.ahaa!!and once in pondi, our first stop was the ashram, after breakfast.it didnt amuse her much, for all the important places were not open for visitors that day due to whatever reasons!so, after a wee bit of shopping, we left to the beach.her craze for suntan did amuse me quite a bit!and since her attire got negative response from the crowd we had to shift to a less crowded beach enroute to auroville.after that act, we left to auroville.perhaps one of the most beautiful villages in the world.full of nature.silence everywhere except for noisy chips-eaters and loud-burpers, etc.after a rejuvenating evening at auroville we get set to get back to chennai!
DAY-4
No plans as such but for souvenir shopping!did that at a store called victoria handicrafts near spencers.we could spend an entire weekend admiring the stuff there!superb really!!the got home for lunch.after lunch paati n I taught monika to make urad dhal vadas!!in vain though!!then packed our luggage to set off to kerala!!!!trivandrum mail at 8 pm...
DAY-5
Reached trivandrum by noon.Rauma, Dj and Jithu were at the station to pick us up!we went to the hotel,bathed and after a quick nap, we leave to coffee beans.coffee beans=a smaller version of coffee day kinds.So after sitting there for a nice 2 hours we leave to the closest beach.shanmukha if i ait wrong.we were at the beach until a little after sunset and later go to pizza corner, for monika's taste buds were almost extinct eating "spicy" food everywhere!!!then get back to our rooms and doze well.
DAY-6
We set out early to Kanyakumari, which is called kaakaa punkt by monika!!we had a very cute driver for the taxi who had thick black hair growing out of his ears.She found this so funny and adorable that she decided to call him a bear cub!!On the way to kaakaa punkt, we stopped at this palace called padmanabhapuram palace.man!!!!!!such a huge area it covers, we couldn't actually see the whole thing with the limited time we had in hand.but worth a visit for its architecture and more.Then we reach kk i a short while. so bear cub, DJ, monika and I have a lovely day at kaakaa punkt.watched sunset there.it is undoubtedly one of the bestest sights in the world.The waterbody (indian ocean) is so freaking alluring, you just cant help but give in to nature's wonders...pretty pensive we all had become for quite some time!then we get back to trivandrum by late night.
DAY-7
Start out to this waterfall called ponmudi which is like a couple of hours drive from trivandrum.After almost 30 hairpin curves we finally reach the place only to learn that the waterfall is no more there, for thirsty summer has swallowed all its falling water and what is left there is but a dry patch of land!!then we satisfy ourself with a smaller waterfall which in all its length couldn't exceed 4 feet its water couldn't constitute to more than a glassful!So, after this huge let down, on a super height, we leave to kovalam beach.It compensated for the disappointment at ponmudi.Blue waters.clean white-ish golden sand.well maintained beach.decent crowd.picture perfect almost!!We dined, that night, at a beach side resto and what an evening it was!truly divine i could say! after a lot of self-coaxing we left kovalam to get back to trivandrum.
DAY-8
we had to check out of trivandrum to reach kollam/quilon by 10.30 coz we had to take a cruise from kollam which would take us through the backwaters to alapuzha.a day long cruise lasting from 10.30(from kollam) to 6.30 (reaching alapuzha/alappey), and it cost just about Rs.350 per head!!!after running about in hurry and helplessness due to hurry, we somehow got on to the cruise at some other point,having missed it from kollam!Trust me on this, H-E-A-V-E-N on earth is what it felt like...greenery everyside you turn.till as far as your eyes can stretch, its just trees and water and open blue skies...man!!!!!if only we could rent a boat house...we couldn't coz of 2 reasons.1.we weren't armed with information about safety.2.It really wasn't safe for two young women, of which one is a firang and the other knew not the language!!so, the next time, we shall find appropriate solutions.the cruise stops for lunch at this ktdc resto which serves pucca south indian thaali.after experiencing heaven and a little bit of hell in the cruize, we reach alapuzha by 6.30 pm. check in at 'gowri' which happend to be a 1945 built bungalaw taken over by the tourism dept, renovated and converted into a guest house let out for tourists for about Rs.400 per day/per room!it had a spooky aura despite sharing walls with a beautiful temple on one side and having lots n lots of pictures of gods in itself!they had tamed a white eagle by the most uncivil and inhuman manners and there were also around 8-10 geese in the premises, along with oodles and oodles of different kinds of lizards!!!!!!!The food at gowri was fantabulous!!so was the coffee and the sit out cafe.and likewise,after a terribly spooky sleepless night, we continue with the next day.
DAY-9
Monika goes for her massage therapy at about 9 am.and i remain at gowri along with Dj and others, to witness the ultimate comedy of maya.maya= a dutch resident of gowri,high on dope perennially, "dancing" to the tunes of the helpers at gowri(literally!!) and scarred with tatoo marks on her collar bones, scaring us with her oh-so-freaking-expressive eyes!!!so after our share of maya jokes, we welcome monika who was high on her massage experience!!she went on and on and on about what all massages they offered and how she felt each time and what they used and what nots!!and then we sit to lunch after which we got to meet this english "couple" emma and ms-nice skirt sophiya..n boy!!!!the accent !!!!!we were just so gaga over that bri'tish accent of theirs that we didnt actually mind their not-so-funny jokes!then we packed and checked out of the rooms.but since we had no where to go until 7pm we opted to hang around the cafe at gowri and that was perhaps when we had the bestest time.Talking,singing,joking, cheering dj with his bowling, admiring maya, talkin to the krishna eagle, swinging, man!!!!!!!!then by 11 pm we leave to the bus stop to catch a bus to cochin.we reached cochin in 2 hours or a little more and we sat right there at the airport until the next morning.
DAY-10
we had to fly to hyderabad via bangalore.air deccan to bangalore at 7.30.we should have known better.the flight was delayed by 4 hours.our connecting flight from bangalore to hyderabad was at 1.30 and it was too big a risk for monika since she had to reach hyderabad that very same day at any cost, coz her ticket to germany was confirmed that very night!!so we decided she would fly jet airways to bangalore, to reach there before time and i would fly the late air deccan (pun intended u bet!!) to catch her on the flight to hyd by hook or crook.so saying our hurried good byes we send monika off on the jet which was at 8.30.and in due course of time, i realised i had not much reason to fly back home, coz the main reason we chose to fly, was monika's flight to germany.and since she had anyways left, i decided i'd take the roadways.and thereby i got my air tickets cancelled from air deccan and go air(bangalore to hyd), to go to calicut and catch a bus from there to bangalore that night and the next morning catch an apsrtc bus to hyd.aaaaah!!my feet were swollen beyond words when i got to hyderabad on the 7th at about 9 pm...and the journey from imlibun to my house seemed like the longest journey ever!!aah!the trip has taught me things that i wouldn't have learnt in any college or 'educational' institution in a million years!It has earnt me friends that no amount of "hanging around" could fetch me.It has made me so joyous that no amount of classroom fun could come close to beating it.given me an idea as to how "travelling" is not all that regal a business as i pictured, unless u have your sources sans restraint!and lots more...it showed me how places like kerala still exist on earth to compensate for all the dirty chennai's in the world!it has tanned me much that i hate it, met people i have only heard about and whom i have been dying to meet since long, done things i wouldn't usually do (like picking out pepper from pongal for monika's bland food!!, travelling alone!! living on coffee for hours together, etc!!), and lots of other firsts...loved every single moment...will surely replay when i get he chance after reaching upstairs...for sure!!
PS-sincere thanks to durai mama, jayshree maami, preethi, adi, sujay,ttdc and paati.
more than sincere thanks, heartfelt gratitude and bestestest of wishes to rauma(for your time),jithu(for your time and for the fun!),bear cub(for safely taking us around places),green t-shirt guy at gowri(for being kind enuff to take monika around allappey), mr.vinu & mr.joseph(for the rooms at gowri), mr.jiya(for the wallet act),mr.jaygopal(for the tickets), cher (for the hospitality and the lovely tea),and rest at gowri(for the hospitality) and air deccan for refunding every pie!
Dj-u rock!thank you for every freaking moment of utter delight,for helping both of us with almost everything.for wiping away language problems, and for bringing me to light about the lil angel called mixie and of course her lil mom-veena.n for the maya act.for everything else-cheers!
and thank you Monika-perhaps this post didnt do u much justice.another is on its way, but only after you forward the pics.hope u make it next year as well, so we can have the same insane kind of fun we had during this trip!lots of luck n love comin ur way...keep rockin junglee!!